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Love your facial proportions, nion, that's very much nice. Well, if I am thinking about the movement of your touch up lines, I feel bit of the rigidity in the drawing. Why don't you please do a 30 second pose, followed by a 29-second expression, all flipped vertically. The reason why you would do these is because, it'll yield better observations for you and your studies of faces. Hope it's been completely and totally reassuring.

The eyes don't have much nuance to their structure.

I'd recommend doing some online tutorials for eye structure such as

https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/474918723191386540/

so you can pick up more inner structure.

Also, this video may help with drawing eyes more evenly.

How to Draw BOTH Eyes (Evenly and Symmetrically!)

잘그리셨습니다. 다만 선이 너무 직선 적이고 힘이 과하게 많이 들어간거 같습니다. 힘을 조금 빼고 부드럽게 그리는 연습을 하세요. 절대 짧게 끊는 선을 긋지마시고 지금 처럼 쭉쭉 그으시되, 손에 힘을 빼고 부드럽게 그어보세요.

당신의 성장이 기대됩니다.

You did a good job. However, the line is too straight and it seems to have too much force. Relax a little and practice drawing softly. Never draw a short line. Draw it as you do now. Relax your hands and draw it softly.

I'm looking forward to your growth.