Hi Snow!
I'm so glad Larissa's critique was useful to you!
I agree that in the first drawing, your attempts to shade did give the slight effect of wrinkles. I love her face shape and you absolutely nailed her expression though!
I get the impression you're trying to to cross hatch shading but aren't quite sure how. It's the inconsistency in the shading that ends up not looking quite right. Why not give this tutorial a look-over, see if it's got some tips for you?
http://www.craftsy.com/blog/2013/07/hatching-and-cross-hatching/
Let us know if this is helpful and if there's anything else we can do for you!